


Single Glimpse of Relief

by pandorabox82



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27591485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: In the minutes following John Curtis trying to kill her, Erin finds herself hanging on to Alex's voice, even as her body does its best to fail her. What relief will she find when she finally manages to wake?
Relationships: David Rossi/Erin Strauss
Kudos: 4





	Single Glimpse of Relief

Erin tried to look around, to look away from the bright lights blinding her retinas, and to calm the feeling of panic that was overwhelming her system. She knew that John had forced her to drink to excess, and that it had been laced with his wicked MDMA cocktail. She knew that Alex had managed to find them before John could carry out the next part of his plan. But everything seemed so jumbled up in her head. Vaguely, she heard Alex's voice to her left, and Erin tried to turn her head to see her, only to find that she couldn't control her body. "Doctor, I think that she's crashing out."

"You need to leave now, ma'am."

"I promised that I wouldn't leave her side when she entered the ambulance." Erin didn't remember that conversation, but everything was so difficult to concentrate on as the pain and burning grew in her body. "I am a doctor!"

"A medical doctor?"

"No," Alex answered, and Erin tried to chuckle, only to feel something shift in her body as she lost consciousness. The last thing that she could grasp onto was Alex's voice telling her to hang on before it all went black. The next thing she was aware of, all Erin could see was bright light once more, and she wondered if this was what it felt like to die, if this was Heaven and she had been found worthy enough to gain entrance.

That idea lasted as long as it took her to recognize that she was hearing the decidedly all too human sounds of medical equipment beeping. Groaning a little, she screwed her eyes closed once more before trying to turn on her side, only to find that she was attached to too many things to allow that. Then she became aware of the fact that she was not alone, and she turned her head towards where she felt the person was, wondering if it was David, hoping that it was him. Slowly, she opened her eyes and allowed them to focus on the dark figure by her side, holding her hand tightly. As her eyes sluggishly began to work once more, she sighed forlornly to see that it was Alex, and that she was fast asleep.

Knowing that she had to wake her, but not trusting her voice to work, Erin squeezed Alex's hand a few times, using a half forgotten pattern that they had developed during their time together at the Academy. Slowly, Alex began to respond to her squeezes, and then she was waking up, lifting her head a little to look at Erin. "You're awake," she croaked out as she sat up, scooting her chair closer to Erin's bedside so that she could reach out with her free hand and stroke Erin's hair.

"Where's David?" she finally managed to whisper, her own voice coming out weak to her ears.

"He and the others had to wrap up the aftermath of the Replicator case. He asked if I wanted to stay behind with you, since I was the one to find you and take out John."

"Is he, is he dead?"

A pained look passed over Alex's face, and Erin tightened her grip on her hand as she waited for Alex to answer her question. "I incapacitated him, but he took the same out that his minion did, and died in custody. He won't face justice for all the evil shit he did." To her shock, Alex began to cry. She hadn't seen the woman get so emotional in ages, and suddenly she wished that she wasn't attached to all the machines so that she could hug her tightly. Even if there was still so much baggage between them that hadn't been truly resolved, despite their tentative attempts at making inroads with each other before she had been dropped off at the hotel.

"Alex…"

"I wanted him to face trial so that he could rot in prison for trying to kill you! He deserved to be locked behind bars for that and so much more!" Before Erin could say anything, Alex had dropped her head onto her torso, her tears quickly wetting Erin's thin hospital gown. Doing the only thing that she could think of, Erin began to stroke the woman's hair, using the gentle motion to calm both of them down. "When I thought you were dying, I realized that we had wasted so much time, so much time." Tears choked out her next words, and Erin nodded a little as she lightly scratched Alex's scalp, remembering how that had soothed her back at the Academy.

"You'll make yourself sick if you cry so hard, darling," she whispered. "That happened more than a few times when we were in the Academy together."

"I just didn't think that I'd get to see you awake ever again." Alex turned her head so that she could look up at Erin's face. It was so easy to see the pain and fear in her eyes, and again she wished that she could just hug Alex, but knew that as long as she was connected to all these wires and machines that wasn't a possibility. "You worked so hard to become a different woman, and I rebuffed you for all these months, only to open up mere moments before I almost lost you."

She nodded slowly. "I wanted so badly to make amends with you, and that moment in the car, before everything went to hell, well, that was just my single glimpse of relief from this guilt that I've been carrying around since you left the BAU for the first time."

Alex gave her a fleeting smile as she let go of Erin's hand to reach up and caress her cheek tenderly. Erin closed her eyes at the touch, finding it soothing. "My heart shattered that day in the Director's office. I thought that you would defend me, and when you didn't, I felt something in me just…break. I heard through the grapevine a few weeks later that you had lost the baby, and things fell into place, but it still did little to soothe the jagged pieces of me that were digging into my heart."

Erin sighed as she licked her lips. "I wish that I could properly hug you, Alex. I wish that I could change the past." She drew in a shallow breath. "Do you think that you could help me to sit up a little, though? Please?"

Alex nodded and stood, before gently helping Erin to leave her prone position before taking a seat on the edge of the bed and picking up her hand once more. Erin was grateful for the contact, finding herself craving the physical touches. "I suppose that I should call Dave and let him know that you're awake. It might take him a while to get back here, though."

"Why?"

"You've been in a medically induced coma for five days, Erin. They weaned you off those drugs yesterday, with the hopes that you'd be awake tomorrow, so you've beaten the curve, at least?"

She nodded as she tried to wrap her mind around the fact that she had lost five days of her life. "May, may I use your phone to call him? I need to hear his voice, just to know that I am alive, still. And I'm hungry. And I want to hug you. And I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams." To her horror, she burst into tears, and then Alex was gently wrapping her arms around her shoulders, pulling her as close to her chest as she possibly could as they wept together. "Alex…"

"I know," she replied, still holding her close, stroking her hair lightly. Erin burrowed in closer to the woman, trying to ignore the way her monitors started to beep a little more erratically. Moments later, Alex was being pulled away from her, and she felt bereft without the warmth of her embrace as nurses and doctors filled the room. Anxiously, she looked around for her only friend there in that moment, and started to gasp for breath as she fell into a panic attack.

"Mrs. Strauss, you're going to be all right, you're awake now. I need you to calm down so that we can get your vitals back in check. Are you currently having a panic attack?" She gave a jerky nod, still looking for Alex, needing someone she knew to lock eyes with her. "What do you need to help you calm down?"

"A, A, Alex," she finally managed to gasp out, and the nurse who was talking kindly stepped aside so that Alex could come close to her once more, picking up her hand and threading their fingers together, offering her a lifeline as the medical professionals in the room took stock of her condition. As she focused on the woman, Erin found it easier and easier to breathe and pay attention to what everyone was saying, and then they were being left alone again, Alex taking a seat on the bed once more as she rummaged around in her pocket for something.

"Here, let's call Dave together," she said kindly as she awkwardly scrolled through her contacts list until she reached Dave's name and then pressed it before touching the speakerphone button. Erin listened to the ringing, wondering how long it would take for him to answer.

"Alex? Has there been a change?"

She touched her finger to her lips and Alex nodded, giving her a small wink as she drew in a quick breath for luck. "I would say that there's been a change. I'm awake, and I've found that you're not here by my side."

"I wanted to stay, bella, but Alex convinced me to return and finish off the reports, since she couldn't add much to them. She stayed by your side while we tried to get more information out of Curtis, and it felt right to leave her guarding over you. And, even though I am fairly certain that this is on speaker, let me tell you that she can be a bit terrifying, too, so I didn't want to cross her too much."

They both giggled in unison, and then Erin squeezed Alex's hand tightly as she felt herself tear up. "She's always been my fierce lioness, David." Erin hadn't meant to be so possessive, but it just slipped from her lips before she could stop the words, and the look that Alex gave her stole her breath away. "You never knew that side of us, since you only saw these last ten months, where we were at each other's throats, but she was once my closest friend and confidante."

"I had a feeling that was the case, Erin. Some rumors never really die among the old guard, after all. Now, since you're both listening, I want to impart some orders and wisdom on you both. I've strong armed the Director into granting you both a month's leave, starting Monday. I assumed that most of that would be spent in the hospital, since your doctor wasn't certain when you'd wake up, Erin. But it looks like you might get released soon, which is wonderful. As soon as you know for certain when you're getting sprung from there, let me know, and I'll rent you two a place to stay there for the rest of said leave. Unless you want to come home. Either way, you have a month to yourselves. I wish that it was longer, but there's only so much leeway the Director would give me."

"A month will be fine, David. Thank you for this boon." She looked at Alex, giving her a tiny smile. "And I don't know about Alex, but I think that I'd like to spend a month away from work on the shores of some placid lake, far away from other people."

"I do like the way you think, Erin. So, do you think that you could find your girlfriend somewhere like that?" Alex teased.

"If you give me a few days, yes. And for you, Alex. I'll need someone to keep their eyes on Erin, after all." They giggled again, and Erin felt so young again, having her best friend by her side as she recovered from this ordeal. "And if there are a few hands and lips that find their way onto her, too, well, I don't need to know about that."

Erin gasped a little as she blushed brightly, looking away from Alex, only to feel her hand clasp Erin's softly. "I don't think that you have to worry too much about that, Dave, but it's good to know what your boundaries are before we spend so much time together. Tell everyone there that I miss them, and we'll see them in a month. And I'll let you know as soon as we know more about Erin's progress."

"Then may that be soon," he replied. "Erin? I love you."

"I love you, too, David. And while the month recuperating will be lovely, I already miss your face, and cannot wait until I can see it again." They wrapped up the call, and then she handed the phone back to Alex before letting her back hit the headboard as her eyes closed. "There is no earthly reason why I should be tired, Alex. I spent five days essentially sleeping."

"No, you were healing during that time, that wasn't passive sleeping." And then she reached out to stroke Erin's hair, as if she had become emboldened by David's words. Erin didn't mind the gestures, but she was a little bothered by the easy way that Alex could touch her, since they hadn't truly cleared the air between them, so she reached up and gently closed her fingers around Alex's wrist and brought her hand down to her chest, holding it between her breasts as she opened her eyes to look at her. "Erin?"

"I'm reeling a little from this sudden shift in how you see me. I know, we talked about it just a short while ago, but this tenderness is just a little bittersweet. I want it, so badly, but I think that there's a part of me that thinks I'm dreaming, and I'll wake up in Hell. It's not rational."

"But it's understandable, Erin. I know that we were fumbling towards reconciliation in the car before this, and now I'm ready to let it be water under the bridge. To allow myself be tender, to a point, with you. We can't pick up where we left off, obviously, since we're both attached to loving partners. But I want to feel free enough to touch you in a thoroughly appropriate way."

Tears caused her vision to swim as she nodded, using her fingers to spread out Alex's hand on her chest. "I love David, I love you. Still. I don't think that I ever really stopped, since only death can kill love. Or at least that's what I believe. Even if my mind whispers that this could all blow up in my face again."

Alex nodded as she lifted her free hand to cup Erin's cheek, her thumb brushing against the bone softly. "We're both older now, and have matured beyond our more hotheaded tendencies. At least, I hope that we have."

Erin nodded a little before yawning. "Do you know what I really want and can't have in this moment?"

"What?"

"To have someone crawl into bed beside me and hold me close as I sleep. When I'm released, yes?"

"Yes," Alex answered quickly, caressing her cheek once more. "Now, try to get some sleep in, and I'll call your children and let them know that you're awake before touching base with James. I'll try not to wake you with my conversations." Erin nodded as she made herself comfortable in the thin bed once more, feeling all the better for knowing that Alex was here with her and wouldn't leave her side until they were home again.


End file.
